Sometimes You Have To Stop Everything!

just-do-it-624x359

Sometimes you just have to stop everything and do the thing you’ve wanted to do!

I have many things I want to do and this was one of them.

This week I will leave to spend four days on myself. Whaaat?!!! Who does that?

Well, the opportunity came and I took it. So apparently I do and at the busiest time ever. With kids, a house closing escrow and a demolition on the house ready to begin and months of renovation in store, all while living in vacation rentals with four kids, traveling and managing three businesses and planning a wedding – why wouldn’t I do this??? It’s actually perfect timing.

I’m basically putting life on hold so I can immerse myself in… myself. The goal: to make all parts of my life extraordinary and design the future I want to create. A four day program in Chicago staying at one of the most beautiful homes in the country and specifically designed to “defuse stress and complexity of the modern world” so that I can revive and design this vision and walk away with a book containing the blueprint to all of it. I’ll be spending time with a small group of amazing people sharing this experience. I’ve wanted to do this for years and I’m finally doing it.

Sometimes you have to stop everything and do it. The perfect moment is now.

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized

The Adventure Begins

For two weeks Mike and I have been packing, purging and storing. Moving. Isn’t it grand?

Outside of being exhausting, it actually wasn’t so bad. This was when I realized that staying on top of clutter has a huge pay off. Still there was much to get rid of. Now, everything that is in storage is only what we want to keep and only what brings us joy. Thank you Marie Kondo.

But, homeless now are we. The house we wanted to buy got bought by someone else and so our search continues. But, what better way to retreat than a beach house? So that’s where we are. We are renting a cute little house in the heart of Del Mar while we find our next home. Why not make it fun, right? This is our view :)

 

FullSizeRender (1)

It’s an exciting time and it’s also uncertain, which is maybe what makes it even more fun. I’m a huge fan of change in environment. It switches up your brain to think differently and approach things in a more creative manner than you are used to.

But, the big takeaway from this move was that home is really where you make it. Once our house was totally empty, it was just a building to us. It didn’t feel like home. It didn’t feel sad. It’s someone else’s now.

Mike had the house for fifteen years. He was renting it out when we first met. When we moved in together, we had a lot of things that we did to make it “ours.” We’ve had so many parties and so many memories and we expected to be sad once moving became real and yet maybe it’s where we are at in our life that made it feel exciting and not sad. It was a happy move even if we don’t have our final landing place yet. We’ve been talking about plans after this house for so long that without realizing it, we had been disconnecting from it.

I look back on the past year and feel proud of the things we let go of both emotionally and physically. Having the moment of clarity and seeing what has been a drain of energy and totally standing in the way of what you really want is all things awesome. But then following through with getting rid of those things is like the best thing ever. It’s freedom. I’ve experienced this myself and I’ve especially witnessed this with so many things in my future husband. It’s a beautiful thing to watch someone you love with all of your heart make changes and become even more amazing.  Seeing and feeling the results of disconnecting from any poison in our lives is what keeps up the momentum and inspires even more creativity.

It’s a good place to be.

And so is the beach.

The adventure begins continues…

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , ,

Wifey 101 Book Review!

Screen Shot 2016-05-04 at 2.07.45 PM

You might know her from watching The Bachelor. You might also know her from Married At First Sight. Yes, I said that right. Two people meet on their wedding day and hope for happily ever after. Here I am going on eight years of being with my fiancé and we just set our wedding date for next year!

Her name is Jamie Otis and when I was sent her book, I have to admit, I didn’t open it right away. But when I did, I was intrigued. I can’t even imagine the process of meeting someone, getting married and boom you’re off on your honeymoon. Here’s the thing – two years later and they are happy and going strong. Whaaat???

Jamie Otis married Douglas Hehner and she wrote a book to tell all about it. But, it’s way more than reality shows. I was shocked when I started reading. I actually got super pulled into her story. Jamie is not your typical bachelorette or wife. It’s her life story leading up to where she is now that is quite poignant and inspiring.

She’s one of five children and when she was nineteen years old, she gained custody of her siblings after long court hearings due to her mother’s inability to care for them. Can you imagine?! With no father present, a stepfather in prison and no extended family to turn to, Jamie had to grow up fast and learn how to fend for her family.

It’s no epiphany that how we behave and react in relationships stems from our younger days. While I didn’t have the same upbringing as Jamie, I absolutely empathized with her as a child, a teen, young woman and now wife.

In a totally non self-serving way , Jamie brings to readers her story and wisdom gained through an easy, entertaining and though-provoking conversation style book. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry and you’ll gasp in disbelief. For me, I just want to give her a hug and say thank you for being so candid.

It’s always been my belief that things happen for a reason and the world can gain from it. Each of us has a story that the world can benefit from. Will you offend some people? Yes. But, don’t let that stop you or the world misses out. You are allowed to tell your side of a story. I know I struggle with some fear around what happens if I tell a certain story and yet it takes someone like Jamie to inspire me to go all in.

Jamie’s book, Wifey 101: Everything I Got Wrong After Finding Mr. Right, is available for pre-order right now over on Amazon. If you read it, I guarantee you will be as inspired as I was!

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Day 7. Truth 7.

door-change-new-beginning-board-wood-handle

The final hard truth!

Truth 7: You are an addict.

We are all addicts to something. All of us, however, are addicted to comfort. Our beautiful minds were built to keep us safe and know that the surefire way to keep us protected is to make certain we have a good defense to any indication suggesting we need to change. Change is so uncomfortable!

But, it’s necessary.

I am not saying you aren’t fabulous just the way you are. I’m not anyone to tell you what to do with your life or how to behave. I’m just some blogger who likes to share insights and hopefully it resonates with someone.

The past seven days have been about being a better human by looking and re-looking at the things in our life that we as humans do, that perhaps we can do better because we’ve had a shift in perspective.

So this last day is a reminder that being happy and being a better person is a choice. No one prevents you from being who you are and no one is responsible for it either. It’s all you. But, oddly enough, people choose to stay addicted to the gloom in their lives and put much of their focus there. Why? Because it’s so much more comfortable than having to do something different.

I mean think about it. If you aren’t generating anything new in your life than you are super safe. There’s no risk.

Now, here’s the more unfortunate part. There are people that don’t want you to write that book. They don’t want you to start your own business and they really don’t want you to go on that diet and get all hot and healthy. Their only real reason they don’t want you to change is because of their own fear. They want you to stay stagnant with them. They are quick to judge those who are in the creating mode and talk about all the wrong ways they are doing it. If they were to do it (which they are not) it would be so much better.

Bogus!

So for this last day I offer two insights.

  1. Don’t ever be the person dishing out negative comments to another person who is creating something. It will only result in people not liking you and worst of all, you won’t like yourself. Applaud creation and get inspired by those doing it. For without it, we don’t grow.
  2. If you’re in the safe mode and addicted to the comfort, pick one thing that you can bring into your life to make it a little more uncomfortable. Be it dance lessons, painting, building, writing, learning a new language… Anything! Pick something you can do well that will actually add value to other people. Creating leads to innovation.

Turn the addiction of comfort to that of creating.

And that is all my friends. Thank you for tuning in these past 7 days. I hope there was at least a morsel of something that you were able to walk away with.

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , ,

Day 6. Truth 6.

IMG_1447

Truth 6: If they really knew you, they still wouldn’t care.

Let’s make this brief because it really doesn’t need much clarification.

You’ve heard this or you’ve said this. “I am a good person. I just wish they could see that. Then they’d understand.”

It’s important to be a good person. Who you are on the inside really is significant. It’s what makes you do good things for people and it’s also what makes you follow through with a bad decision. But regardless of who you think you are on the inside, it’s totally useless to the people around you because all they know of you is what you create.

You can say you’re a great carpenter, but you have to actually build something for that to be true. You can say you are skilled at marketing, but no one cares until you have proven results.

People form an opinion on you based on what you offer, what patterns you repeat and the actions you take.

You can tweet all day about the wonderful parent, teacher, wife and person that you are and how much empathy you have, but that’s not enough for people to care. Their assessment is based on your behavior and what you produce. Want someone to think you are a good person? Do good things. Want to prove to that you have talent? Do the thing you are talented at? Feel empathy for hungry children? Do something that will result in meals for them.

The harsh truth is that no matter what you are on the inside, you are only as good as what you put out.

Otherwise, they just don’t care.

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , , ,

Day 5. Truth 5.

 

05c32a3878fad6bba4ea942ac3037396

Truth 5: It’s Not About You… Or It Is

You’ve heard this word before. Projection. When a person is purposely being offensive and judgmental, they are most likely projecting what it is that they feel about themselves onto someone else.

Think of a time you were accused of something you hadn’t done at all. Someone has worked up a whole song and dance against you and you find yourself feeling guilty for something that actually isn’t true. It’s like they created a situation so that they can feel justified in something that they did.

One example in particular I know of is a woman, who actively denigrates a former spouse a la bullying. What was learned was that while the behavior was being aimed at him, the basis of her constant negativity and disparaging actions was essentially found in her feelings of personal insecurities.

The person projecting is trying to change a story and retell it to their advantage so as to deter the icky feelings they have about themselves. So they tell the story, this time casting themselves as the injured party, slandering the other party or adding another story to divert from the truth. In most cases, they will not change their story and dig themselves deeper into the hole of untruth and even more dangerous is that they believe the new story they created. They are now hostage.

Many of us have projected before on a small or great level. When we suppress our feelings, we transfer them to others. We don’t like the uncomfortable feelings so instead of admitting shame or wrongdoing, it’s easier to say that someone else should feel those feelings.

We are all guilty of making judgments. Go ahead, say you don’t. I don’t believe you! It’s all fine. But it goes too far when you close yourself off to the truth and only accept the story in your head as truth.

So on this 5th day of harsh truths to be better a person, I have two takeaways for you.

  1. If you find yourself projecting onto someone else, take a moment to be mindful of your behavior and look at what’s true and factual. Is there something you aren’t being honest about that is keeping you captive? Often the things that bother us about someone else are a reminder to address something within ourselves.
  2. If someone is projecting onto you, don’t take ownership of the accusations, feelings or behavior they are trying to dump onto you. Hand it right back to them and when in doubt, ask yourself one simple question. “Is this true?”

The truth does indeed set you free.

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , ,

Day 4. Truth 4.

 

2459978682_03ddde7bbf

Truth 4: No One Will Rescue You

Everyone has a story and an extraordinary person will use that story to be better for it rather than use it as an excuse. In truth, you are really the one who cares about your story the most. The good and the bad.

If you are waiting for one imaginable person to leap into your life and fix all that is broken about you, you’ve got a forever wait in front of you. Your knight or knightress has already come. Good news! It’s you. You are the only one who can rescue yourself. Everyone else is support of the magnificence that is already you.

Becoming dependent on others to determine how you feel is the fast path to the never ending road of emotional ups and downs. Relying on you is a sure thing.

Does this make you alone? Not at all. In fact it draws more good people to you. Instead of being the victim that needs to be rescued, be the person that people want to be around.

Today’s question: What do you think others say about you? Would you want to be around you?

Whatever your answer, remember this: The thoughts and worries you wrap yourself up in every day have a significance level that is no higher than the level of your own consciousness. The great things you are going to do in your life are far more important. Stop wasting time and emotion on the things that hold you back so you can do the great things you were meant to do and be the person you would want to be around.

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , ,

Day 3. Truth 3.

woman-happiness-sunrise-silhouette-dress-beach

Truth 3: You will never be free until you let go of the nuts.

“It’s the uncertainty that’s killing me!”

How many times have you heard that? Well, it’s true. That is exactly what is killing you, so why not just accept the uncertainty?

Because detaching ourselves from a desired outcome is hard for us humans.

There’s a brilliant anecdote. I’m one of many to tell it and if you’ve heard it before then it’s a fantastic reminder. I don’t know the exact telling, but you’ll get the point.

In India, a man dropped a handful of nuts into a jar that had a small opening with the intention of catching a monkey. A monkey came over and put his hand in the jar. He grabbed the nuts. But, he soon found that he could not get his hand through the opening. Monkey caught.

BUT

If the monkey would have just let go of the nuts, he could have freed himself.

When you accept uncertainty and detach yourself from whatever it is you are holding onto, you experience freedom. You understand that you aren’t bound to the past and you certainly aren’t bound to what you know now. Instead you have surrendered yourself into the natural occurrence of creativity.

You can’t control someone else’s thoughts or actions. You can’t control the weather. You can’t control every circumstance. Those things are all uncertain. Our egos are desperate to control the outcome. But think of how that feels. To me, it feels tight. My whole body feels tense. It’s like trying so hard to hold on to something and the tighter you hold the more uncomfortable you are, but you think you have control.

When you let go and just accept what is and what will be, suddenly the weight lifts and you are free.

You can wish hard, which may have some powers… and you can do things that inspire others. Note: INSPIRE is totally different than manipulating or tricking. You can’t make your spouse be healthy, but they can see the healthy changes you are making and be inspired by you… or not. Not in your control.

You can share your ideas on how you think things should be and you can offer solutions, but keep in mind that the more you push those solutions onto others with extreme attachment that they have to work out or else, the less freedom you have, the more insecure you feel.

Look at what you are clinging to today. What is it that is making you worry, feel resentment, judge others and have discontent? Do you see why they are causing those feelings? Do you notice what you are attached to and why you can’t let those nuts go?

If it involves a person, let them be who they are. They won’t change because you want them to.

If it’s a situation, don’t force the solution anymore. Let it evolve as it needs to.

Can’t detach so quickly. It’s a process. But here’s a few ways to get you started:

  1. Recognize what you are attached to and give those feeling some acknowledgment. Know that they are valid and don’t push them away. Label them. “I feel scared.” “I feel ashamed.” “I feel rejected.”
  2. Ask yourself what happens if things don’t go the way you want them to. Then what? Feel those feelings too. Will you be okay?
  3. When new ideas come up for you, take action because you are excited about the creation rather than trying to prove something to someone else.

Here’s what happens when you detach and let go:

  • You worry less. (More energy for you to be awesome!)
  • You accept moments as they are instead of dwelling on what could have been.
  • You are way more productive.
  • You have peace of mind.

Those alone will undoubtedly contribute to a better you (nut free).

 

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , ,

Day 2. Truth 2.

962b98e2d585b702f4063fdc9ce9416f

Truth 2: People aren’t too busy to get back to you, they just don’t want to.

“Hey Jane! What ever happened to that guy you were dating?”

“Weirdest thing. He went away on a trip and I never heard from him again. Didn’t respond to any of my messages. I wonder if he’s okay.”

Not weird, Jane. He’s totally fine. He just didn’t want to call you back.

I told you these truths were going to be harsh, right? But, the sooner you get it, the simpler your life becomes because you stop wasting time on the things that don’t merit your energy.

I’ve seen too many people get all heated when they don’t get a response from someone. Oh they got your message and they read your text or email. Come on, you know how often you check your phone, even when you are busy! Deep down you know the reason why they aren’t getting back to you… at all.

No, he wasn’t too busy.

No, she didn’t lose her phone.

Yes, they received it and read it.

And yes, your phone is working just fine. No need to do the restart.

You just weren’t worth it to them. Your importance level didn’t outshine the other priorities in their life or in that moment and so therefore, you were left hanging. But, that in no way means that you are not important. It just means that you are putting your importance in the hands of someone who just doesn’t care. Does that seem like something an empowered person would do?

Today, I ask you to stop making excuses for the people that don’t make you a priority.

I can promise you this: You are leaving doors closed to the ones that will happily respond to you instead of deliberately not.

Reflect on the people you spend most of your time thinking about. How many of them energize you in a good way compared to those that drain you and upset you? Are the upsets really worth the better part of you?

Don’t get bitter. Get inspired! And make room for those who encourage you rather than frustrate you! Once you do, you’ll feel the energy shift and you can’t help but be a better you.

When you don’t get back to someone, it’s not because you’re too busy. You just don’t want to.

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , ,

Day 1. Truth 1.

fa39672c897272c6997d89a820a14213

Yay! You’re here!

Ready to be a better person and live a better quality life?

Then let’s dive in!

Some of you decided to join me for the next seven days to simply become a better person. Some of you might have more specific goals in mind. You want to be a better businessperson, parent, spouse, mentor leader, etc..

I think it’s safe to say that no matter where we are in our lives and whatever roles we play, there is always room to improve. It’s not to say you aren’t wonderful as you are, but isn’t the point of life to keep moving forward?

It’s time to put on your courage hats and be honest with yourself.

Truth 1: Just because you were born, doesn’t mean you are deserving.

Ouch? Sorry, but hear me out. The Deserve Movement has become so immense that people think it is okay to blame others for their mistakes and stand up on their pedestal announcing what they deserve without really having earned it at all. Even more so, they think it is appropriate to get mad at others who aren’t giving it to them.

This movement declares things like…

I cheated on you because you drove me to it.

I’m unhappy and it’s his fault.

I deserve a better life.

I deserve more money.

I deserve a better partner.

I deserve. I deserve. I deserve.

They place blame on their choices as well as their circumstance on someone else and declare they “had no choice” instead of actually being accountable for the choices they have made.

If you have found yourself saying these type things, I ain’t mad at ya. Hey, I’ve done it myself! So I want to challenge you today to try this on and see how it feels.

Acknowledge something you did or a situation that you are in that you are not happy about and own it.

Did you say something mean about someone else behind their back?

Are you unhappy with a relationship?

Do you hate your job?

Are you working on a project that doesn’t fuel you?

Did you cheat on your diet?!!! (gasp)

Say what it is out loud. Sit with it. Understand what you are feeling and think about why you did what you did (without saying someone drove you to it) and accept responsibility that it was your choice to take the action you did.

It might look like this.

“I feel embarrassed for sending that horrible text message. I was unhappy about something else and I said something I shouldn’t have and I am sorry.”

Or

“I chose to be in this relationship and it’s up to me to get myself out and no one else.”

Or

“I felt really angry at what he said but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to be cruel.”

Whatever it is! Big. Small. It’s all relative and the feeling you have about it is the most important. Own it!

To your surprise, it will probably feel good. In fact, I think it feels a lot better than being a victim or being a jerk. It’s actually really empowering because in that moment you are owning the control that you have and being a stand-up person. You are being responsible and mature. Ironically, you realize what it is that you do deserve.

Here’s the other thing: it takes up a lot of energy to play the blame game. When you always have to be justified, you exhaust yourself and frankly, it ages you. So just stop!

The Truth: Outside of children that are born into situations that they cannot yet control or those born into poverty or in other parts of the world that haven’t even seen what’s remotely possible or those inflicted with disease or injuries out of their control – most of the circumstances you as an adult find yourself in is the one that you deserve. Your choices brought you there. Unfortunately, just being a nice person or having had a bad experience, doesn’t entitle you to anything.

At one point or another we all experience some really awful people in the world. Are we such bad people that we deserved sickness, death of a loved one, financial trouble, betrayal or heartache? I don’t think so. It just doesn’t work that way. Things happen for you and they are an opportunity, even when it feels bad.

Before you announce that you deserve something better, first answer why. Then answer honestly what you have done to get it.

You deserve someone’s stanch respect and devotion because… why?

You should get paid more… why?

You shouldn’t have to put up with this… why?

 

Now ask yourself: What do I sound like?

What do you think you sound like to other people?

Are you negative? Positive?

Are you preaching to others how hard you work and how wonderful you are, but still get the poop end of the stick?

Are you whining about your spouse without seeing their side at all?

Do you sound like someone who is entitled?

And finally, after you’ve asked yourself these questions and answered them with your defenses down, ask – Do I want to sound like that?

You made choices and it was your participation that lead you to where you are. The moment that is understood is the moment that you start to bring into your life the things that you want.

You are deserving based on your choices. If you are happy about every situation then smile and be proud and if there’s something eating at you, change it.

See you tomorrow…

Posted in Seriously Summer Tagged with: , , , , ,

Summer on Facebook


Latest Tweets

@TheSummerFelix
Summer Felix, author of Lost and Profound and The Right One series, can also be found over at @TheDrawShop searching for her lost mind.

Subscribe

Get the Newsletter!

Get the Newsletter!

Join Summer's mailing list to receive the latest news and updates.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

Get the Newsletter!

Join Summer's mailing list to receive the latest news and updates.

You have Successfully Subscribed!