Yay! You’re here!
Ready to be a better person and live a better quality life?
Then let’s dive in!
Some of you decided to join me for the next seven days to simply become a better person. Some of you might have more specific goals in mind. You want to be a better businessperson, parent, spouse, mentor leader, etc..
I think it’s safe to say that no matter where we are in our lives and whatever roles we play, there is always room to improve. It’s not to say you aren’t wonderful as you are, but isn’t the point of life to keep moving forward?
It’s time to put on your courage hats and be honest with yourself.
Truth 1: Just because you were born, doesn’t mean you are deserving.
Ouch? Sorry, but hear me out. The Deserve Movement has become so immense that people think it is okay to blame others for their mistakes and stand up on their pedestal announcing what they deserve without really having earned it at all. Even more so, they think it is appropriate to get mad at others who aren’t giving it to them.
This movement declares things like…
I cheated on you because you drove me to it.
I’m unhappy and it’s his fault.
I deserve a better life.
I deserve more money.
I deserve a better partner.
I deserve. I deserve. I deserve.
They place blame on their choices as well as their circumstance on someone else and declare they “had no choice” instead of actually being accountable for the choices they have made.
If you have found yourself saying these type things, I ain’t mad at ya. Hey, I’ve done it myself! So I want to challenge you today to try this on and see how it feels.
Acknowledge something you did or a situation that you are in that you are not happy about and own it.
Did you say something mean about someone else behind their back?
Are you unhappy with a relationship?
Do you hate your job?
Are you working on a project that doesn’t fuel you?
Did you cheat on your diet?!!! (gasp)
Say what it is out loud. Sit with it. Understand what you are feeling and think about why you did what you did (without saying someone drove you to it) and accept responsibility that it was your choice to take the action you did.
It might look like this.
“I feel embarrassed for sending that horrible text message. I was unhappy about something else and I said something I shouldn’t have and I am sorry.”
“I chose to be in this relationship and it’s up to me to get myself out and no one else.”
“I felt really angry at what he said but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to be cruel.”
Whatever it is! Big. Small. It’s all relative and the feeling you have about it is the most important. Own it!
To your surprise, it will probably feel good. In fact, I think it feels a lot better than being a victim or being a jerk. It’s actually really empowering because in that moment you are owning the control that you have and being a stand-up person. You are being responsible and mature. Ironically, you realize what it is that you do deserve.
Here’s the other thing: it takes up a lot of energy to play the blame game. When you always have to be justified, you exhaust yourself and frankly, it ages you. So just stop!
The Truth: Outside of children that are born into situations that they cannot yet control or those born into poverty or in other parts of the world that haven’t even seen what’s remotely possible or those inflicted with disease or injuries out of their control – most of the circumstances you as an adult find yourself in is the one that you deserve. Your choices brought you there. Unfortunately, just being a nice person or having had a bad experience, doesn’t entitle you to anything.
At one point or another we all experience some really awful people in the world. Are we such bad people that we deserved sickness, death of a loved one, financial trouble, betrayal or heartache? I don’t think so. It just doesn’t work that way. Things happen for you and they are an opportunity, even when it feels bad.
Before you announce that you deserve something better, first answer why. Then answer honestly what you have done to get it.
You deserve someone’s stanch respect and devotion because… why?
You should get paid more… why?
You shouldn’t have to put up with this… why?
Now ask yourself: What do I sound like?
What do you think you sound like to other people?
Are you negative? Positive?
Are you preaching to others how hard you work and how wonderful you are, but still get the poop end of the stick?
Are you whining about your spouse without seeing their side at all?
Do you sound like someone who is entitled?
And finally, after you’ve asked yourself these questions and answered them with your defenses down, ask – Do I want to sound like that?
You made choices and it was your participation that lead you to where you are. The moment that is understood is the moment that you start to bring into your life the things that you want.
You are deserving based on your choices. If you are happy about every situation then smile and be proud and if there’s something eating at you, change it.
See you tomorrow…