I can honestly say that I don’t remember the last time I had a good 10 minute cry. If it were up to me, it would have been much longer, but I had 4 eager kids that were excited about their 3rd day of school and needed breakfast and I had a conference call I had to squeeze in between making lunches, doing my hair and driving them to school – a typical morning, if you will.
Except this morning was less than typical. This morning I didn’t suck it up and enjoy the chaos. This morning I stared at it in the face and cursed at it.
There’s something about giving in to things that we put aside for a later time. The little things that are challenging about family, kids, work, relationships… and the big things that are challenging about family, kids, work… you get it.
If your typical day is anything like mine, you actually may not have time to literally feel something. So you put a placeholder there while jump into this meeting or volunteer in that class and you tuck it away somewhere down in your gut, where it eventually – with just the right trigger or timing – comes out. Sometimes it comes out with a vengeance. And sometimes it was so pent up in that cave that it takes a good hour to purge itself. In my case, it came out hard for ten grueling, yet satisfying minutes.
But, there’s something incredible about that purge. All the icky soup of emotions that get stuck and piled up and seem so much bigger than they might actually be, get to come out and have a voice. They get to chime in and have a say, even if no one is listening but you. These feelings might actually make you look at something beautiful in your life that you need to appreciate more or something ugly that needs to change.
In my case, it was just simply seeing the pile of daily responsibilities, pressures and moments – many of which I invited and welcomed into my life (with no regrets, mind you). And many of which, I just want to be acknowledged for, if not by anyone then by me.
Sometimes, we get angry when we breakdown and we tear ourselves up about it. It’s a sign of being weak, out of control, or how about this one ladies, “Cray Cray!”
But, I loved my breakdown. There was release in it. There was clarity and there was beauty.