There’s an ongoing battle I’ve had in most of my life. It’s knowing whether help is actually helping or hurting.
I’ll be the first to call out an enabler. “If you keep rescuing her, she’ll never take responsibility for herself.” “If you keep letting him back in, he’ll never change.”
I know that if you keep giving someone money who finds themselves in a pickle every month, they will count on being rescued by others rather than themselves.
I know that if you keep letting the addict back into your life only to be disappointed again by addictive behavior, they will rely on you always being there and they won’t change.
I’ve seen and experienced both type scenarios. I’ve seen good people wanting to help get hurt. I’ve learned about enabling and I know that what it’s like to think you’re helping when in reality you’re actually hurting.
But, I also know empathy and I have a lot of it when it comes to other people. I hate to say no to someone in a desperate state, but I also hate to see potential wasted on excuses.
I’m not very tolerant when it comes to people making excuses. I’ve adopted tough love in my recent years. I really really hate excuses. Yes, they are like A**holes! They didn’t work for me. Sometimes you just need to do what you need to do even when you really don’t want to have to do it. You must get uncomfortable. There are countless stories of people who have made something out of nothing and I know it’s possible.
But, I also get that it’s not that easy for everyone. I’m not even sure it’s supposed to be easy. But, it IS possible.
It’s a really sad feeling to have to say no sometimes. But, I have learned that the really sad feeling is the opportunity missed for that person by saying yes.