Today is Fun Friday and while I will definitely be partaking in some fun (or crazy) with a big group of Girl Scouts this weekend for an encampment trip, I feel the need to voice something and I hope that for some of you it resonates.
I’ve been bullied. And while it wasn’t physical, it was most certainly emotional. The strategy of the bully is to destroy your confidence so that you don’t succeed and stay in the control of the bully. Interestingly enough it comes from the person who has a lot of guilt for things they’ve done and pain they’ve caused. And while the guilt is earned, it’s too overwhelming and uncomfortable for them to handle and they must get rid of it. The most immediate relief for them is to make the other person feel bad. To nit pick. To exploit any little fault they can find so as to justify the grand mistakes they made. I want to write about it today because I think it’s rotten and cruel and I’m fed up with this type of person.
From the outside, it’s easy to see that the person who tries to instill guilt into their spouse, ex spouse, children, friend, parent etc. is doing it because they aren’t happy with themselves. They need others to be at the same level of unhappiness. We’ve all heard this before.
From the inside and being in the role of the doormat, it’s not so easy to see until you’ve stepped away from it. I didn’t realize it until I had space from it. I didn’t stand up for myself because I believed in the words and… I apologized. I said I’m sorry like way too much and for the most ridiculous things. Now, it’s so clear to me, but still continues to be a revelation when I see patterns by the same person repeated.
I know this: If you are around happy people who feel good about themselves, you see that they want others to feel good as well. They want to share in the joy, not knock it out of someone else. They are positive and uplifting and they energize you when you are with them rather than drain you. The little inconveniences in life are easily brushed off and handled rather than made to be a big deal. They maintain a positive perspective on things and are accountable for their actions and emotions. They are quick to learn from mistakes and grow.
The unhappy person takes those small things and magnifies them. They criticize every mistake and turn it into a monumental thing. When perfection isn’t achieved, it is the best fuel for them to begin their attack. Everything is an inconvenience to them the world is out to get them and everything should be operating to serve them. The importance gets placed on the negative. They assume everyone has an ulterior motive and don’t believe in good intentions. How exhausting! But when they do feel positive or happy it doesn’t last so long. It’s fleeting because it gets replaced with guilt. Deep down, they don’t feel they deserve to be happy. The guilt turns into anger and the cycle begins again. Who can they attack and bring to their level of unhappiness?
Though I’ve witnessed this cycle countless times, it continues to be a revelation for me as I see it, even more so as I have a clearer perspective on it now and understand what is happening.
Small people crush confidence and ambition, but great people give you the support to be great as well.
A couple of nights ago Mike said something to me that made me tear up. He said, “It is one of my greatest pleasures to have watched you blossom.” When he first met me, I was pretty fragile. I was just coming into my own as a new woman, single mother, and budding entrepreneur. I was ready to take on the world, but I was still getting grounded. There are many people that take advantage of that fragility. It’s so easy to manipulate someone who is in a delicate state. But, he saw past that. He saw the trajectory of my journey and honored it. Maybe even before I did. He has since been the true definition of the man who elevates his woman and provides the support for her to be the best that she can be.
Listen to the words of the people that honor you and respect you, those who walk on the sunny side of the street. Step away from those walking under a dark cloud. Remember who you are today. Someone else’s negative opinion of you has no value. No one, not anyone has the power to destroy the greatness that is you.