Should I interject and say my opinion? No, I’ll keep my mouth shut.
I really really don’t want to go tonight.
I can’t decide what to do!
Is she mad at me? I can’t tell. Oh shoot, I hope she’s not mad.
Do any of those sound familiar? If so, you might be suffering from I just want everyone to like me!
I understand that we are all human and most of us want to be liked. But, there is quite a difference in the personality that lives to be liked and approved by everyone and the personality who just doesn’t give a sh*%t.
I am constantly in admiration of those who care more about being in integrity rather than faking it for the mere purpose of being liked.
Turns out, it’s actually dangerous to worry so much about what people will think.
But, before you get drastic and think you have to stop caring all together… hold up. I’m pretty sure that will never happen. Remember the human factor. You’re still going to care, but maybe you can do it on a … smaller level. See when you betray your true self just to get the approval of someone else, it can really inhibit you from awesomeness.
Most of us feel really good when we can come up with unique choices and solutions that are not ‘average’ or what everyone else would do to be ‘safe.’
The perfect scenario is getting along with everyone, while at the same time making and acting on our own individual choices. The problem shows up when our inner voice starts to talk back to us when those two things aren’t happening at the same time. We start to worry why someone doesn’t like us and feel paranoid and that feels isolating.
The more dramatic result of all that worry is depression.
So what can we do to stop worrying so much about what people (might) think of us and feel confident with the choices we make, regardless of whether someone agrees or not?
Well, first, who are the people you are worried about? Are these the people you hang out with? Do the people you surround yourself with see you for who you are? Do they see the value and the good in you? Find those people who do and hang around them. If they respect your political view that might different than theirs or that you have a different spiritual belief than theirs then it’s all good. If they have dignity with their own choices and respect the dignity you have with yours then they are the ones that matter.
But, what if one of those people thinks badly of a choice I made? If someone you respect has an ill opinion of something you did then congratulations, you get to grow. You get to look at yourself and ask why someone you do respect doesn’t agree with something you said or did. At the same time, if you still stand by your choice then I’ll dish you another round of applause for being you.
Here’s one thing I do: Whenever I hear that voice questioning what I should or shouldn’t do, I write it out. Sure, there are times that I do something someone else may not agree with and yes, it gives me that knot in my stomach. Sometimes, I’m scared to do something or not do something because it may generate ‘dislike’ (gasp!). So, I write out the worst. What’s the worst that could happen because this person may not like me? And at the end, I often feel empowered because I’ve done something that was all me, influenced by me. The worst turn out is never really so bad.
Your Fun Friday Assignment: Stop it! Just stop worrying. And I’m going to help launch you into it with this assignment. Try this out for the weekend and let me know how it goes!
Just experiment one time today or Saturday or Sunday by speaking your mind. Just workout that opinion you’ve been afraid to share and test it out on someone. Voice your opinion. Stop doing something you committed yourself to doing that you really don’t want to do. Whatever it is, take the chance.
If this is something that terrifies you, all the better. No one needs to be just like you and you need not be like everyone else. Trust in you and there will be more meaning in your life.