As I write this, I have to tell you that I am munching on Truffle Marcona Almonds from Trader Joes. Have you had these? If you are obsessed with truffle like I am, you will go crazy for these. They are super clean: almonds, black truffle sea salt, truffle oil and sunflower oil and OMG! They are to die for.
Okay on to other things I am obsessed about: Kids, relationships, blended families… and doing it right!
Being a part of a blended family opens you up to more emotions that you might not normally experience when you are not blended. First of all, you enter into the relationships with some previous belongings (I like that much better than ‘baggage’) aka fear of rejection, abandonment, insecurities, and perhaps trust concerns.
Depending on your situation of your previous relationship with baby mama or daddy, your triggers and your belongings will vary. Nonetheless, as much as we have grown and are better for it, those feelings still sit somewhere and they can get triggered.
Here’s what I’ve learned, though. The relationship you have with your spouse (blended family or not) is the most important relationship. This becomes the foundation of everything. When things get hard, you have that foundation. It’s the intimate relationship that makes you the strong fortress. It’s the safe place where you can love, trust and connect in new ways and it allows you to constantly be in a place of restorative learning. Without that, you can easily crumble when uncomfortable situations arise.
We’ve learned so much through our experience. Last night as we were all eating dinner together, we sat back and watched as all the kids shared their memories of each other, some hard ones, some funny ones and some really bonding ones. It was beautiful. It reinforces that even though difficult times will happen because no one is immune, it has really brought us so close and hard times will never determine our potential. Through these years the potential has proven to be a transformational gift.
There is always muck in between here and the place we want to be. Sometimes you have to ask for help when you don’t want to, smile when you feel crumby, forgive when you’ve been hurt and give up what you want to be doing for the sake of others and their needs and know that you are doing it because of the bigger picture.
A mother I look up to, who has had a blended family for over twenty five years now, told me that the more we reach out to each other, be it our own kids or our bonus kids, the more we learn to love and you will see the best is yet to come. She was right.
Love identifies weakness but chooses to focus on the strengths.