Conversations for me result in “This is a blog post!”
A couple of days ago, I had one of these thought-provoking conversations with someone very close to me. He was talking about an ex. He told me of his situation that many fall into. Being with the wrong person out of a sense of obligation, guilt and even loneliness.
Now, every relationship ebbs and flows. There are the highs and the lows. And like many experts will say, the veil is revealed after six months. You really start to see someone for who they are and often what attracted you about them in the beginning can become the things that annoy you or turn you off about them later on. OR they remain the things you love and even better you find even more things you adore.
After the newness dims a bit, you start to realize whether you really love this person and want to keep reaching new levels of connection with them or whether the highest point was met and now you want out. Still, people stay even when their gut wants out. They stay despite the warning signs and what they don’t like. They settle or hope for change.
What was interesting to me in this guy’s particular case was that he said his ex never had a spark. “Not even when you first met her?” I asked. I would assume everyone sees a spark in someone else during the honeymoon phase, right? But, I guess not. He said that it just seemed fun at the time and then somehow he found himself feeling obligated to stay in so as to save this damsel in distress. Anyone who’s been in that situation knows that saving does not a fulfilling relationship make.
But, that part wasn’t what caused the stir in my brain because I know all too well that this happens a lot. I wasn’t surprised. What caught me and got me questioning was this spark part.
As I thought about his spark comment, I realized he was right. Not everyone has a spark that’s obvious and it’s not necessarily something needed in order to be attracted to someone. But, I wondered if it was just him that didn’t see the spark and that perhaps someone else would in her. Also, I questioned whether “spark” was something you just had or didn’t have.
He is now with someone who he said has what he describes as a magnetic spark. He said every time he is with her, he sees that everyone is drawn to her. He said she had it since the day he met her and she still has it and he still sees it even after the many years since they met. A spark to him was not about the connection he had with her, it was about a light in someone that people are drawn to. It was something that he described as igniting.
Do we all have a spark somewhere in us? I think so. And if it’s not shining now, is it something we can get? And what is this spark exactly? I know what it is to feel it and see it in someone else. But, what is it exactly that causes this in some and not in others? What is this “it” factor and what can it be attributed to?