But then have you also ever felt yourself having moved so far in life, really experiencing moments of what abundance and freedom feels like and then something happens that takes you back to the scarcity mentality where you feel fear and the opposite of freedom? Even if they were just moments?
Maybe it was the person you decided to give yet another chance to even though you swore you wouldn’t again and life had actually been really great without that person around so much, but because you felt so free, you felt open and responded to their olive branch, only to get smacked again. And suddenly you feel like you took a giant step backwards.
I had this feeling recently, but different circumstance…
I started The Draw Shop over five years ago and when I first started it I was running another business. I was providing ghostwriting, copywriting, and all kinds of writing and marketing services. I had a team of writers for some services and then myself for specific ghostwriting projects. What I loved about it was connecting with authors and learning different perspectives. I credit a lot of my knowledge and growth to the genius of these authors and I’m supremely grateful for my experiences. What I disliked was juggling the limited amount of projects I could manage and having to keep people on schedules and really… chase the money. I was project manager, provider, and collector – all at the same time. Freedom was not something I experienced even if I was my own boss and could work from anywhere.
It was a little scary when the time came to say goodbye to it all when I realized that my attention needed to go to my new business and that if I kept doing half and half, something was going to suffer. I was ready to go all in. Sure, I had to do a lot of the nitty gritty with The Draw Shop at the beginning. That looked like more selling, more copywriting, more marketing, more project management and endless phone calls from clients. But, it was growing fast and I knew it was temporary. The main thing was that I wasn’t the main talent as I was with writing. I didn’t need to be in this business and therefore, we could scale.
I knew that soon enough we’d have a team of excellent project managers, writers, artists, editors and more. It wasn’t long before I was out of the writing, the social media, the day-to-day operations and my co-founder and I were strictly on the business growth, marketing and development side, which is where I realized I thrived. This is what made me smile in a totally new way. Once we had a team that we trusted wholeheartedly, we were able to step back and now introduce some other ventures.
But still, I love to write. I love to write fiction, true stories and pieces that impact and motivate. Publishers, agents, speakers and entrepreneurs will still approach me and ask if I can write their book or their client’s book. And for the past few years, I have said no. I just didn’t have the bandwidth, the interest and honestly, I didn’t need to like I did once before.
And then I found myself in a peculiar gap. I was in between a new venture, where I had to sit and wait for development and in a place of having more time because our team at The Draw Shop was stellar in keeping progression.
I knew this wouldn’t last long. And it didn’t. Soon enough a new project along with the new venture began to gain momentum and once again I found myself plugging in all my time management hacks to make work, family and me work.
But during that “tween” time, I said yes to something. Something that I used to do. And it was fun. It was actually really fun and it was quite an experiment to take it on something that I didn’t have to. My own personal case study, if you will. It was doing something for sheer experience and learning. I didn’t do it for the money – although that’s always a plus and there is value for time. It was almost like I wanted to see how good I could be, without the same fear and pressures I once had.
But then something else happened. The process took me back to the feelings I once had of scarcity. The fear of not being good enough. The search for approval. Having to prove myself. Having to deal with some things that I promised myself I wouldn’t deal with anymore. Yet, I took the risk and I did it. I think it’s always a plus to want to improve ourselves and we should get uncomfortable and sometimes it should be challenging and hard, but there are times where you will go backward and for me, I discovered that while this was a good experiment for myself, I knew it was one that I would not take on again. As the saying goes, that ship has sailed. And I do bid it a good farewell.
It’s a beautiful thing when a lesson is learned.