Why Blended Families Fail

It’s hard enough to manage the dynamics of one family, not to mention doing it as a blended family! From different preferences, to habits, to diets, to bedtimes, to personalities – the list goes on – when two families become one it adds a whole new set of challenges to the ones you’ve already got.

Creating a happy and healthy family unit requires work, dedication, and major commitment – whether it’s your first, second, or third rodeo. That’s why it’s so important to anticipate the common feelings that may come up and challenge the success of your blended family.

Today, we’ve got a list of eight feelings that you’ll probably feel at some point during your blended family experience – and, by the way, they’re normal. But, if you don’t acknowledge and move past them, it could be detrimental. Listen in to hear how resentment, ego, needing control, lacking grace, jealousy, unfairness, faking it, and giving up can ruin your blended family – and learn how to move past these things to reach a happier family unit.

01:30 – 07:00 – Introducing today’s topic: Why blended families don’t work

07:00 – 11:00 – Resentment and ego

11:00 – 16:00 – Let go of needing control and give grace

16:00 – 27:30 – Get over jealousy, keep things fair, and don’t fake that it’s easy

27:30 – 30:00 – Giving up on making it work

30:00 – 34:00 – There will always be ups and downs; be grateful for moments of growth

Takeaways:

There are eight common things that contribute to failing blended families.
Acknowledge and move past negative feelings – don’t avoid or push them down.
It’s ok to feel, just don’t let feelings dictate your decisions and hinder your growth.
Resentment is common; understand that attention and focus will be divided when in a blended family.
You know ego is at play when you’re taking things personally and making assumptions.
You’re always in control of your feelings and what you do with them – you can’t always be in control of everything else.
Have grace for yourself and others; be forgiving and allow room for others to grow.
Don’t justify and feed feelings; rather, acknowledge and deal with them in a mature way.
Jealously is normal, but see it for what it is and don’t let it get in the way of other relationships in your blended family.
Keep things fair between siblings, parents, and kids – including ex’s and step-kids.
Creating a blended family takes work. Don’t fake that it’s easy and avoid reaching out for help and advice.
Don’t give up! Your pursuits aren’t helpless.

Quotes:

“The first thing is to be aware of what’s happening.” –Summer
“Recognize the feelings then decide what you’re going to do with them.” – Summer
“You know that ego is at play when you’re taking things personally and making assumptions.” – Summer
“You’re always in control of how you feel and how you can respond to a situation.” –Summer

Resources:

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

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